K.I.S.S.
Years ago, I heard the acronym KISS as meaning:
Keep It Simple, Stupid
I thought it was clever and easy to remember, though name-calling ‘Stupid’ didn’t sit well with me.
I liked (and still do) the acronym: KISS. It reminds me of a simple kiss, with the power to bring a person back to the heart, when stress has taken us away from it.
I also liked (and still do) the Keep It Simple part. Remembering to ‘keep it simple’ helps me when my emotions are rising, or when I’m feeling overwhelmed. ‘Keep it simple’ is a reminder to slow things down and simplify. It reminds me to:
take a breath
begin the process of unwinding the knot of confusion that has formed
separate rope into smaller threads that, individually, can be more easily viewed and dealt with
choose the first, simplest, doable step toward clarifying and resolving a challenging issue
follow through on that step
choose the next step, and then the next, and so on… one step-at-a-time
I’d like to take this opportunity to push away from calling ourselves ‘Stupid’. When we’re overwhelmed by complexity, we’re not muted nor unintelligent (as the word ‘stupid’ implies) - we’re simply overwhelmed. If you too would like to use the acronym KISS, you could come up with a new way to use the second S. Here are a couple of alternatives I’ve come up with, for the name with which we address ourselves.
Keep It Simple, Sweetheart
‘Sweetheart’ feels kind and more truthful + effective. ‘Sweetheart’ implies that I (the person this reminder is directed at) am sweet at heart. It’s a reminder to bring whatever I’m going through back to the simple core of my heart: love.
This way of thinking is in line with Marshall Rosenberg’s work with Nonviolent Communication (NVC). NVC acts on the premise that: “It is our (human) nature to enjoy giving and receiving in a compassionate manner”. This quote (the first line of Rosenberg’s book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life) offers the underlying foundation and starting point from which we may build a compassionate world order through simple tweaks in our wording - even toward ourselves.
Keep It Simple, Self
This self-reference brings in a spacious - even Spiritual - quality. In psychosynthesis, the word ‘Self’ (with a ‘large’ S) refers to a large version of ourselves. It’s the Self that understands we have a personal self, a transpersonal self, and a spiritual self. It’s the part that understands there are smaller (mostly unconscious) parts (like insecurity, doubt, shame, fear) that affect our decisions. It’s the Self that understands that: I have thoughts, and I am more than my thoughts. I have emotions and I am more than my emotions. I have body sensations and I am more than my physical body. It’s the part that understands that: I am a part of that which is greater than myself.
Keep it simple
‘Keep it simple’ (whomever and however you refer to yourself) does not mean ‘ignore the complexity of being a human’. Humans are complex, and there’s no escaping that reality.
An example of just how complex humans are is that: we could debate whether the human species is complex by nature or because of social constructs. That’s complex thinking. Another example is that we (humans) experience thoughts and emotions about our thoughts and emotions. For example, we don’t merely experience anger; we experience guilt about experiencing anger, on top of experiencing the original anger. That’s complex. Here’s another example. We experience multiple and seemingly dichotomous ways of thinking and feeling - within one moment. We can experience the deep sadness of letting go and elated joy for a new beginning, both in the same tears; horror and an understanding about that which is horrifying; outer conflict and at the same time a resolve - a sense of inner peace.
We develop filters through which we observe + understand each other. We (mostly unconsciously) relate with each other (through these filters) utilizing a series of defenses + reactions. We (humans) are complex.
Honoring that we (humans) are complex is a simple way to lighten one’s load. ‘Keep it simple’ might, in this moment, mean that you simply state how your feeling. Your self-talk might sound like: being human can be complex. I am feeling overwhelmed by this complexity.
Keeping it simple is a radical concept for complex humans. Even in the easiest, most peaceful external circumstances, the internal terrain of being a human remains complex. Add relationship with another person - with a complex internal terrain - to your mix. Then add a world of complex people - with whom you interact in various ways. Finally, add an ever-changing world that’s dealing with a pandemic. Now, keep it simple becomes more than a cute acronym; it becomes a necessary practice.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed (at one point and another), try using K.I.S.S. to help remind you to Keep It Simple, Sweetheart/ Self/(fill-in).
Self-Thoughts:
How would you like to call yourself into presence? (What will the second S in KISS be for you?)
How might you simplify complex matters when feeling overwhelmed?
How might you honor complexity while tapping into a calmer state?